Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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