I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
