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Scissors
Fuck
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
the raccoons are back...
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