i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
