Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize