I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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