carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
foreskin is a definite game changer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
