I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
