i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
