too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
