Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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