so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
