So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
