I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
