we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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