Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
