So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
