talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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