just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
