You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
