So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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