Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
