My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
