Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
