I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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