Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
