last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
