just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
