He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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