words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
