Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
