I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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