I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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