I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
