Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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