Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
