Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
