hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
