i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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