pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am one with the molecules
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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