Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
