ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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