Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
