is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm both gender and math confused
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