The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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