Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
