I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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