you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't notice because vodka
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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