So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
