This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
