I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So much rum. So many feels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
