Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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