I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
