hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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