did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
